@trevso_electric: The only way to make a cat like you is to cancel plans with them and ignore their text messages.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@_troyjohnson: Son, my best advice is to find a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and marry her. She knows how to make bad decisions and stick with them.
@shadygrenade: "30 shots of espresso NOW." *barista's eyes widen* Whoa what do you do for a living? "I STAY AWAKE FOR A LIVING!" *roundhouse kicks barista*
@Kyle_Lippert: The inventor of Chapstick died today. Unfortunately his body was lost while being transferred to the morgue.