@trevso_electric: The only way to make a cat like you is to cancel plans with them and ignore their text messages.
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@welfarehoe: CW: What'd you have for breakfast? Me: A bowl of Oreos. CW: Lol you mean Cherrios? Me: No.
@mauleePillar: My toddler appears to know a magic spell to transform any space into a Hoarders episode.
@wittwitbarista: In Seattle, there's a code that states when two people are walking towards each other, the one with the bigger coffee cup passes first.
@AsYouNotWish: Proud to announce that I’m still the undefeated champion at racing with drivers who don’t know we’re racing.