@trevso_electric: The only way to make a cat like you is to cancel plans with them and ignore their text messages.
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@1Happytwit: There's a cat curled up on my pillow, and I'd probably be a lot more cool with that if I actually owned a cat.
@TrentoMento: Ha ha! OH, HOW THE TABLES HAVE TURNED! "dude, are you gonna do this every time you rearrange the furniture"
@famouscrab: you gotta turn your phone off when you fly in case an old plane text you and your new plane get jealous
@SardonicTart: How to beat depression: 1) Talk to someone 2) When that person says "just cheer up," beat that person with a baseball bat.