@KenJennings: The opposite of "Free Willy" is "Predestinationy."
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@chrissyteigen: I just realized that when I murder someone my neighbors will never describe me as "quiet"
@Social_Mime: He is on that bird call website a lot. - My Mom describing me on twitter to older relatives at get-togethers.
@tombrodude: tinder, huh? back in my day if you wanted a girl to notice you, you had to dress like a gargoyle and cling to the roof of her parents' home
@Paige__xxx: Me: tries to sleep Brain: M: B: M: B: M: B: if one synchronized swimmer drowns do the others have to drown too?