@jergarl: The overspray from my windshield washer fluid just totaled a smart car.
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@BetteMidler: Amal Clooney bought hubby George a riding lawnmower for his 55th birthday. I have never been so jealous of a garden tool in my life.
@JediGigi: Him: You need to work on your communication skills Me: [through megaphone right up in his face] PLEASE BE MORE SPECIFIC
@KimMonte10: Cheerleaders are there to tell you that your team needs to score more points & the name of your team in case you forget at any given moment
@Thynebear: [starts chanting in unison] In Unison! In Unison! In Unison! Government Official: I don't know what he wants, all I know is I don't like it.