@jergarl: The overspray from my windshield washer fluid just totaled a smart car.
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@carlyken: Kids, in my day we didn't have text messaging. We had to write a "Do you like me? Yes or no?" note and pass it through 17 mutual friends.
@TheMichaelRock: Do women know that it's perfectly legal to apply makeup at home before they get in their car?
@TheBeerGuy73: ...and then the whiskey whispered "You should totally tell her about what your ex used to do to you in bed."
@_notyourmom_: My 13 year old doesn't speak when she picks up the phone. She just listens and hangs up. I think she's going to be a hitman someday.