@leechee420: The package says "Do not eat raw cookie dough" but all I really see is "Pillsbury hates you and doesn't want you to be happy."
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@jonnysun: LAWYER: [whispers] i did the murder [loudly] read that back? STENOGRAPHER: "I Did The Murder." JUDGE: omg the stenographer just confessed
@weinerdog4life: I bought a bowflex, it's very confusing, how do I muscles? do I eat it? do I eat the bowflex?
@INDlAN_: If you think it hurts to lose a boyfriend/girlfriend, you've clearly never lost close to 500 GB's worth of data on your hard drive.
@WheelTod: Virgin Airlines original advertising slogan was "We're so sorry about that but If you give us a chance we swear it will be better next time"