@leechee420: The package says "Do not eat raw cookie dough" but all I really see is "Pillsbury hates you and doesn't want you to be happy."
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@mstluvstrinkets: Playing play doh w/ 3 is just her ordering me to "make elephant! Now teapot!" As if I have the artistic ability to create more than a ball.
@junejuly12: Shout out to the person who had the balls to open the first no kids allowed restaurant
@JennyJohnsonHi5: I bet Hell is sitting in front of every person you know while a slideshow of all of your deleted selfies is played on a loop.
@MisterBombay: People who argue on their cell phones in public should have to do it on speakerphone so the rest of us can get both sides