@HALFniteStand: "The past tense of LOL is not LOL'd, it's L'dOL." - How I like to end a date with 18-25 year old girls.
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@daemonic3: [in Batmobile] Superman: Hey Batman: Sup? S: Promise you won't be mad? B: [sighs] I asked if you had to go before we left the Batcave!!
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: LAUGH IT UP NOW MILLENNIALS! IN 30 YEARS YOUR FAVORITE ACTORS WILL BE TALKING TO YOU ABOUT REVERSE MORTGAGES.
@dadtellsjokes: Dad:I don't trust those trees..... Son: Why? What do you mean? Dad: They seem kind of shady
@scriptdave: Biden: I wanna join the protest. Obama: Joe, we've been over this. Biden: But they're-- Obama: How about some ice cream? . . . Biden: Okay.