@TheTweetOfGod: The people in charge of hell sometimes visit North Korea just to exchange ideas.
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@jwoodham: Find a way to dress up as "accidentally liking someone's Facebook picture from 2 years ago" and really scare people this Halloween.
@graceful_asfuck: [Burger Lounge] Server: Are you 27? Me: OMG NO I'M 39 THANK U SO MUCH U MADE MY DAY Server: I meant your order number, ma'am.
@TheRolo: [Sees restaurant is packed] *Pays hostess $20 to read note* "Attn patrons there is a vintage yard sale across the street" *Hipsters clear*
@Piecezilla: Putting a bell around a cow's neck to circumvent its stealthiness is just wrong. I say let them hunt.