@rickygervais: The people who shout the loudest about their all powerful God protecting them & delivering them from any evil, also own a gun, just in case.
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@matt___nelson: "If anyone knows a reason why these two should not marry, speak n-" SHE ONCE COMMENTED 'FIRST' ON A YOUTUBE VIDEO *ring bearer vomits*
@ShutUpThatsWho: ME: I know it's probably the beer talking, but you look beautiful tonight! BEER: Hey buddy, don't be putting words in my mouth now.
@Mr_Kapowski: *watching a scary movie* 7 y/o daughter: They're just people in masks, right Dad? *blankets pulled over my head* "Sure, if you say so"
@CroweJam: I wear a cape when I'm driving so if I get pulled over the cop will think I'm going somewhere to fight crime.