@neiltyson: The perennially hyped name "Super Moon" insults the legacy of Superman, Super Volcanoes, Supernovae, and even Super Mario.
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@themiltron: interviewer: why do you want this job me: i've just always been very passionate about not starving to death
@UNTRESOR: "How did you sleep?" "On my back, mostly. At one point I tried to climb into my dryer but I couldn't fit."
@PaperWash: [driver on opposite side of the road puts head lights on] moth driving: omg moth wife: Harold no we have a baby moth baby: FLOOR IT DAD
@Tmoney68: When someone tells me, "I think of you as family," I assume I'm about to be yelled at for something that happened 10 years ago.