@sumpeoplelikeit: The person sleeping next to you is statistically more likely to murder you than any other person on the entire planet. Do the dishes.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@katiefzack: I don't throw people under the bus because there's a chance they could lay flat in the center and not get hurt, which I'm not okay with.
@GrantTanaka: 1: ‘Twas the night before xmas, & all thru the house Dad was trashed on Grey Goose, mom spilled merlot on her blouse
@StarWarsProblms: Obi-wan: You don’t have a shot with Padmé. Anakin: Don’t underestimate my charm. *stares at her creepily for the rest of the movie*
@SleazySli: [at a spelling bee] Judge: Your word is SPELL. Witch: *mumbles something under her breath* Judge: Ribbit