@sumpeoplelikeit: The person sleeping next to you is statistically more likely to murder you than any other person on the entire planet. Do the dishes.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@AimeeHelene1: *wakes at 3am* *sits in dark* *jingles chains & scratches walls* *waits for everyone to be so creeped out they can't sleep & we open gifts*
@lemonmartinis: Whenever I select next-day delivery for an online purchase, I imagine someone, somewhere, yells CRAP really loud then people scurry like mad
@PlopWaffle: Interviewer : So you're super fast at math? Me : Yup I : Ok, what's 346x48? Me : 804 I : That's not correct Me : Fast though.