@tnylgn: The person that was in charge of naming Ohio must have thought of it when they realized someone was waving at the person behind them.
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@ddsmidt: Caught the neighbor kid teasing my dog, so his mom told me to yell at him any time I like. I had a bad day, I'm gonna go see if he's home.
@funnyordie: Happy Columbus Day! Celebrate by going to the wrong house after work then claiming it as your own.
@70Ceeks: Chefs who can't admit failure present: Soft-boiled eggs Steak tartare Twice-baked potatoes Sour cream Calzones Pineapple upside down cake
@GrumpyComments: It takes a keen ear to pick out a girl's "I haven't finished but I know you're about to, so I'll try to be supportive" moan.