@LADaddy: The person who came up with "happily ever after" probably didn't realize humans would live longer than 34 years.
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@kumailn: Donald Sterling saying racism is not a problem is like mosquitoes saying malaria is not a problem.
@Marlebean: [ Anything I buy from now until Christmas, I consider it a gift... ] Kids! Close your eyes and hold out your hands! "Toilet paper?!"
@batkaren: My monster costume for Halloween's just going to be whispering, "better hope it's not the poisoned one," to kids when I hand out candy.