@bransonreese: The Person Who Discovered Sharks
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@bourgeoisalien: If I was the editor of Vogue, I'd just put an actual skeleton on the cover with the headline, "Feel bad yet? You should, Fatty."
@Thynebear: Teacher: You can do anything you set your mind to [I try to sneak outta class but somehow mess up the pull door twice] Except maybe that guy
@WilliamAder: I'm no scientist, but if that ebola virus is communicable, that means WE CAN TALK TO IT.
@MarfSalvador: [My band playing on stage] New GF’s friend: Which one is the boy you’ve been seeing? New GF: *sees me playing accordion* He died