@bransonreese: The Person Who Discovered Sharks
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@murrman5: [walking around still disappointed 6 hours after visiting an aquarium] wife: what did you think a tiger shark was, brent
@Robert_Beau: You know you're getting old when your decision to sleep with someone is mostly based on the quality of their mattress and pillows.
@Ideal_Victoria: Me: [Nudges friend] You should see what I just wrote on the bathroom wall. Friend: Uh... You do know we're at my house right?