@cervixsmash: The person who invented marriage was creepy as hell like hey yo I love you so much I'm gonna get the government involved so you can't leave
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@LnL245: [Checking in at Comic Con] Attendant: How long did you spend on your cosplay? Me: Seven months A: *Hands me a badge marked "Casual"*
@thesulk: Next time you're on an elevator with a stranger say, "If the doors open and it's all zombies, let's team up."
@MarcusTheToken: Alright white people, had to Google "totes" to find out what the hell it meant. I know one of you came up with it. Cut that shit out.