@Love_bug1016: The person who is your first and last thought of the day is either the one who has your heart, or who's murder you're secretly plotting.
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@slimmy_shady: My tongue was actually in the Guinness Book of World Records until the damn librarian kicked me out.
@QwertyJones3: "Want to come watch the game Saturday at 8:00?" Well I'm going rollerskating at 1:00, so yeah I should be out of the hospital by then.
@Maui_Speaks: Nice Fitbit bro. I didn't realize that they had a model you can wear around your ankle.
@pleatedjeans: Fun way to prank Jesus is to invite him snorkeling haha he'd be stuck on top walking on the water while ur underneath having all the fun