@ddsmidt: The person with duct tape holding most of their car together always has the right-of-way.
@ziamalso: Not to spoil the eclipse for y'all but Bella chooses Edward lol
@MichaelSmartGuy: "It's five o'clock somewhere" I say as I leave work at 9am
@Brentweets: Shadow dancers begin making a mock hanging motion to Katy Perry's singing
@DirtMcTurd: If I'm guilty of anything it's that I care too much, that and murder
@thenatewolf: *The doctor hands me my son. I see that he's Asian. I look at my wife*
WIFE: I tried to tell-
ME: the stork flew so far!