@ddsmidt: The person with duct tape holding most of their car together always has the right-of-way.
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@suntzufuntzu: "What if Waldo finds me first?" I ask naively. Grandma closes the book; the blood drains from her face. "Don't let that happen," she warns.
@Heather2go: Rules to live by: 1. Be kind to strangers 2. Don't cheat on your taxes 3. Everything in moderation 4. Bury the body at sea
@TheMichaelRock: Coworker: I can't believe my wife left me. I should of treated her better. Me *should have