@ddsmidt: The person with duct tape holding most of their car together always has the right-of-way.
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@liv_thatsme: "Don't you wish you had children?" Me: Don't you wish you had money, free time, & sanity?
@ShittyComedian: Anytime I'm using a stall in a public restroom and someone knocks on the door, I always say, "Did you bring the lube?" As loud as possible.
@ayyyyloser: "There's plenty of fish in the sea" is just something people say because you're going to be alone. Fishing is something you can do alone.