@JennyJohnsonHi5: The phrase "you two deserve each other" sounds like a compliment, but never is.
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@ChaseMit: "Welcome... To Jurassic Park." "But some of these dinosaurs are from the Cretaceous Period--" "WE ALREADY MADE THE SIGNS"
@TheSharona06: "ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!!" I scream to my dogs as they all watch me trip, run into the coffee table and spill my coffee all over myself.
@Ms_WhateverV: A woman stopped me in the street and asked me to show her how to get to the hospital. So I pushed her under a bus.