@JennyJohnsonHi5: The phrase "you two deserve each other" sounds like a compliment, but never is.
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@FatherWithTwins: Parenting is great if you want to relive every moment from your childhood when your parents got mad at you - from your parents' perspective.
@robfee: Everyone in horror movies: *Loud scream* It was probably just the wind. *Ghost flies across room* Just the wind. *Dog gets cut in half* Wind
@cluedont: Always put the important stuff in the first part of your tweet, because no one will cat basket the walnuts if there's pickletits at the end.
@Kate_Goldsmith: I thought I typed "twitter" in my URL, but I got Hot Russian Ladies somehow instead. So, I guess I have a wife in the mail....