@JennyJohnsonHi5: The phrase "you two deserve each other" sounds like a compliment, but never is.
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@ericsshadow: ME: my son ran away COP: we won't rest until we find him ME: [swiping LEGO aside with both feet] no rush
@pleatedjeans: me: Hi it is nice to meet u. I am Jeff date: Are u reading off notecards M: Yes sex at ur place sounds gr-wait crap these are out of order
@Book_Krazy: *[At the dinner table]* "No grandma, those aren't knitting needles. We're having Chinese food"