@JennyJohnsonHi5: The phrase "you two deserve each other" sounds like a compliment, but never is.
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@ch000ch: step 1. log onto instagram step 2. find wedding day hashtags, ex. "SmithWedding2014" step 3. use hashtag step 4. post pictures of yaks
@k_lli: My calendar says I have 18 meetings left this week. Time to go lick Maria in accounting; she's coming down with flu.
@hurlarious: I like to leave my gas cap hanging off when I'm on a date so when people start honking and waving I can wave back like I'm famous
@djdarrellripley: Her: (Sigh) How did you burn the Thanksgiving Turkey? Me: I followed the directions. 20 minutes a pound at 325 degrees. I weigh 175 pounds!