@JennyJohnsonHi5: The phrase "you two deserve each other" sounds like a compliment, but never is.
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@HMittelmark: Men want to be him. Women want to be with him. Bears want to eat him. Botflies want to lay their eggs in his skin. Fish are unaware of him.
@RorynotRoy: "Have you tried sleeping? Okay. And you've had enough burritos lately? Hmm. Well, this is puzzling." - me as a doctor
@Jeffwni: - "I love Beyoncé... - Whatever floats your boat mate. - No, you're thinking of 'buoyancy'. - ..."
@squirrel74wkgn: [in bathroom stall] Me: ... Guy: ...most people wait their turn outside of the stall