@shutupmikeginn: The pigeons behind my apartment are fighting for claim to half a rain soaked hotdog. Fighting me.
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@Underchilde: A friend was telling me about quantum mechanics and I told her how I hate it when the safety seal on ketchup leaves that clear film behind.
@djdarrellripley: Me: OMG, I haven't seen you in so long! Her: We've never met. Me: That long huh?
@shutupmikeginn: I just walked in on two coworkers crying in a conference room and I was like, "mind if I join?"
@MikeDrucker: I don't understand why everyone is so passionate about sports; it's all just bullsh - HEY! YOU! NO! DARTH VADER DOES NOT HAVE A GREEN SABER!