@eddiesteadyno: The plan was to keep eating these alcoholic chocolates until I was either drunk or diabetic. I didn't bargain on "bankrupt" being an option.
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@samLM68: How to enjoy babies: 1 Hold them 2 Kiss them 3 Hand them back to their mom 4 Go have drinks with grown ups 5 Laugh about not having a baby
@noneofyours99: Things I'm doing today * going to the gym * having sex * lying
@AsgardianRose: "This is mine", he growled passionately into her ear. "Are we clear?" Breathlessly, she agreed. She wouldn't try to eat his nachos again.
@LurkAtHomeMom: Friend: OMG did u see the thing on the news about the sinister clowns? Me: *flashback to me watching the debate* yeah I think I saw that
@JosesLovesYou: Me: come here often? Her: THIS IS MY BEDROOM IM CALLING THE COPS
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