@Poutymcgee: "THE PLATYPUS HERE TASTES LIKE SHIT! DO NOT ORDER IT!" I shout in the face of a confused and frightened old lady at the zoo.
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@caribbeankris: I've kept my tamagotchi alive for the past 15 years, so yeah Mom, I know what it's like to raise an "ungrateful little prick"
@JessiCanadian: My dog could not protect the house from robbers if they brought a vacuum cleaner.
@Marcmywords2: Dear XBOX Kinect If I wanted to use my whole body to play sports, I'd play sports.
@hannalee_slc: I just googled "jokes to tell right before you die" and if that doesn't tell you what kind of person I am, I don't know what does.