@Poutymcgee: "THE PLATYPUS HERE TASTES LIKE SHIT! DO NOT ORDER IT!" I shout in the face of a confused and frightened old lady at the zoo.
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@envydatropic: In the 80s they used an egg in a frying pan to demonstrate a brain on drugs only because they didn't have Twitter in the 80s
@adamjest: *makes doctors appointment* *arrives 20 minutes early* *waits in doctors office for 7 hours*
@thatguyJA: I'm confused, why does the Gangnam Style guy want to launch a nuclear attack on the US?
@DatManGood: My kid: "I want the new iPad like my friends, everyone has them" Me: "And I want to vacation in Hawaii..disappointing day all around huh?"