@rickkondell: The plural of beer is beer, which is very convenient when you are explaining to your wife why you were late coming home from work.
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@atanya1111: So Kanye West said he is an intellectual who doesn't read books. Which I get because I am an an athlete that rarely moves.
@NurseSeymour: Hooking up with your ex is a great way to reassure yourself that dying alone wouldn't be the worst thing in the world.
@lisaxy424: Me: bedtime! Brain: you're hungry M: no I'm not B: thirsty then M: nope B: uhh sad? M: doing ok B: you forgot to do that thing M: nice try
@jonnysun: dumbledore: our enchanted ceiling shows us wat the sky outside looks like mcgonagall: so…a magic glass ceiling dumbledore: [starts sweating]