@rickkondell: The plural of beer is beer, which is very convenient when you are explaining to your wife why you were late coming home from work.
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@markedly: [talking with ex] Me: Is he more boring than me? Her: He is. Me: *devastated* How could you?
@sucittaM: Just called the fire department to tell them that dogs pee on fire hydrants so they should probably all wash their hands.