@EvilSchwartzie: The police get mad at you if you try to marry a squirrel. Even if you're pretty sure it's a girl squirrel.
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@rickkondell: If you need to rush somewhere, carry a fire extinguisher. Nobody will stop a person running with a fire extinguisher.
@katbento: Why hasn't a phone that charges itself just by scrolling the screen ever been invented? What are our scientists doing?
@KimJongSean: The thought of having my own kids is scary because anyone who's half me and half someone dumb enough to have sex with me is doomed
@Book_Krazy: Me: *Wishes upon a star* Please, I just want the world to be a better place. Asteroid: ON MY WAAAY!!!