@RobDenBleyker: The poorest man can be rich if he gets a bunch of money.
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@KevinFarzad: Marry someone shorter than you so you can hide all the good snacks on the top shelf.
@NikiWithIssues: You can't give me a mini fan at work and expect me not to spend the whole morning pretending I'm a model doing a photo shoot. It's science.
@john_vavra: GF: ...I'm pregnant ME: *holding a 10-piece chicken nuggets box that actually has 11 nuggets* I've also got some pretty big news
@internetluke: [two female cops come to arrest me but I am hiding in the men's bathroom] Haha "What do we do?"