@kentgrossarth: The Pope quit. Meteor in Russia. Snowing in Arizona. Star Wars and Star Trek have the same director. Who the hell is playing Jumanji?
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@OhNoSheTwitnt: Boss: I need you to work late. Me: [sprays her with Pepsi] B: You're fired. Me: So I don't have to work late? B: No. Me: [winks at camera]
@TheMichaelRock: Of course every kiss begins with k. That's how the English language works, stupid.
@MaryKoCo: If ur late to an appt, just tell them u had another one, but were on time to that one. That way they associate you with punctuality
@iheartgunts: Phil Collins' "In The Air Tonight" is the best ever song about a silent but deadly fart.