@Mr_goose007: The pot called the kettle black. The pot is silver............we now have a situation in the kitchen.
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@HomeProbably: When someone's ignoring me I like to break into their house at night and steal all their shoes. We'll see how busy you are tomorrow.
@myles_morrison: It's easier to get away with stealing someone's stroller if you're dressed as a jogger.
@Lisabug74: Like prison, most don't learn the life of crime till locked up. Like twitter, I learned to creep into houses and quietly eat their cheese.
@david8hughes: [at the gun store] Me: I'll take that gun & a box of ammo Clerk: that'll be $250 Me [with a gun & a box of ammo]: no