@myles_morrison: The power going out for 15 minutes is enough to crush any fantasy I have about surviving a zombie apocalypse.
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@Ygrene: [me as a knight] Me: squire, young squire…do you have the time? Squire: sir by the judge of the sun, it is 3pm Me: wrong squire, it is (shutting visor) knight time
@OldSpookMan: I overheard my daughter asking the little boy next door, "Are you the opposite sex, or am I."
@Sickayduh: DAD: I want a steak. HER: Eat this chicken instead. It's healthy. DAD: No it isn't. It's dead.
@inanimatecorpse: I put a note in my kids lunchbox daily telling them that if they work really hard at school then one day we may be able to afford a sandwich