@primawesome: The power steering went out in my car. Rather than fix it I've decided to get stronger.
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@PinkCamoTO: David Attenborough voice "Amazing. See how the youngest of the species always needs something when the mother is in the bathroom."
@LoriLuvsShoes: When I punish my 16 I don't take away her phone I take away her charger and then I watch the fear in her eyes as her battery dies. It's fun
@GG_Mikey: fidget spinners are whack, when I was in 8th grade we'd shove a spoonful of cinnamon down our throats and try to survive for fun
@KalvinMacleod: [lips on a snake] WIFE: what are you doing? ME: getting rid of the poison WIFE: you’re supposed to suck your own bite SNAKE: leave him alone