@primawesome: The power steering went out in my car. Rather than fix it I've decided to get stronger.
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@JediGigi: Um how poor are you to sell your own yard? For real. And like, nobody's going to buy it with tables full of junk all over it. Geez. Idiots.
@dave_cactus: [restaurant] WAITRESS: Would you like a lunch menu or a dinner menu? ME: No thanks. I don't eat menus.
@UncleDuke1969: A rusted van sits under a bridge. Rats gnaw on moldy Scooby Snacks. Shaggy takes a hit off the pipe. "WHY COULDN'T YOU LOVE ME VELMA?"
@TheAlexNevil: I've made friends on Twitter I never would've met in real life, and I wouldn't trade them for anything less than $200.