@primawesome: The power steering went out in my car. Rather than fix it I've decided to get stronger.
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@Jerrypleasure: (1st day as a doctor) Me:No heartbeat Nurse:Sir,heart is on left side Me:Ohh,is it Patient:(Staring at me as if I had kissed his wife)
@shondarhimes: Calling Sony comments"racially insensitive remarks" instead of "racist"? U can put a cherry on a pile of sh*t but it don't make it a sundae.
@Book_Krazy: Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over Me: Idk, but could you move this along? I've had too much to drink and I really need to pee.
@Storminika: Instead of sending friends Christmas cards, is it ok If I return the ones I got and just add the words "Me too"?