@briangaar: The premise of Batman is that, deep down, all billionaires just want to be first-year patrol cops
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@UNTRESOR: The average time it takes for an elderly woman to get her ringing cellphone out of her purse is 11 days.
@david8hughes: [interrogation] "Where were u on the night of the 3rd?" Stabbing a homeless man. "Louder for the tape?" Wrapping a boneless ham. As a gift.
@Parker_Simpson: Hey guys keep up the "Bush did 9/11" tweets I think the pressure is really grinding his gears