@briangaar: The premise of Batman is that, deep down, all billionaires just want to be first-year patrol cops
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@WilliamAder: Just unfollowed a bunch of people funnier than me. Now my tweets seem, you know, funnier. Tomorrow I unfollow all the good-looking people.
@KizerBillhelm: *on first date* Did you know that wool sweaters are the closest you can legally come to being inside a sheep?