@Storminika: The president says 60% of Americans don't know math -- 60%. So what if 60% don't know math? What about the 85% that do know math?
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@Jmboyd58: *wife runs back into our house which is on fire* What are you doing!? W: I just want to straighten up a little before the firemen get here
@BradBroaddus: My wife must have some big surprise vacation planned. She left a note by the bed telling me I had until tomorrow to have my bags packed.
@QuietPsycho: Absinthe For when you'd love to wake up in the morning...naked on a raft in your neighbour's pool, but lack the motivation
@StarWarsProblms: Emperor: Luke, kill Vader and become my apprentice. Vader: But why? I've been loyal. Emperor: Have you ever listened to yourself breathe?