@Andee_Stewart: The problem w marriage is communication. When I said I hoped he'd go down in a plane I meant more crash & burn, less on the flight attendant
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@Social_Mime: Wife - We're invited to a gender reveal party. Me - I always knew Ralph wanted to be a woman. W - It's for a baby Me - Ralph is pregnant?
@MisterBombay: If I were a fashion designer I wouldn't spend any money on advertising but rather pay old people to wear my competitor's clothing
@GlennyRodge: "Do you like Tolstoy?" "Of course. Who doesn't?" "What's your favourite book?" "The one where Woody is kidnapped & Buzz tries to save him".
@scriptdave: Biden: I wanna join the protest. Obama: Joe, we've been over this. Biden: But they're-- Obama: How about some ice cream? . . . Biden: Okay.