@JimmerThatisAll: The problem with Chinese food is an hour later you feel like hacking the Pentagon again.
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@Thomas_Lull: Life is like a box of condoms. If you don't use one, you never know what you're goin get.
@internetluke: [mom ridiculing me in front of new GF] "Luke was afraid to go into family changing rooms until 22 because he thought he'd get a new family"
@huntigula: [texting w/ my nana] Me: hey! Mom told me you learned how to use emojis! Her: I ❤️ murder Me: well that's kinda wei.. Her: I will 🔫 everyone