@daveexplosm: The problem with having a large imagination is that you can imagine your friends naked. Now you're doing it too.
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@weismanjake: If you run into someone you know and they say "we should hang out sometime" just say "I'm ready to hang out right now" and watch them panic
@mortimermaiden: Me: Wanna take this upstairs? Her: Mhm, but you should know it's my first time Me: Don't worry, upstairs is like the downstairs, just higher
@bigmacher: I bought the wrong kind of compass. Now I'm lost in the middle of nowhere drawing perfect circles.