@Samigrl2: The problem with marriage is that it was invented when people lived to the ripe old age of 30.
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@PaperWash: Commissioner: we'll need to stay in touch Batman: ok Commissioner: this stealth communication device will- Batman: LETS USE A GIANT SKY LAMP
@Playing_Dad: [At crime scene] Detective: You need to take this seriously Me: I am *picks up leg bone* Me: I found this humerus. Lol. D: You're fired.
@PastorBate: [Spelling Bee] Your word is palindrome "Can you use it in a sentence?" Go hang a salami I'm a lasagna hog.
@leechee420: You can be anyone you want on twitter, so I'm a little surprised so many guys chose "creepy weird dude."