@Eagle_Vision: The problem with political jokes is that they get elected.
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@Jake_Vig: The year is 2035. The only movies are superhero reboots. Anyone caught looking up from their phone is fined $100.
@Manda_like_wine: Eternal damnation for the sorry acquaintance who cons you into watching his favorite film and keeps looking to see if you're reacting.
@InternetHippo: ME: Billions of bacteria live on and inside my body INTERVIEWER: I meant tell me about yourself job-wise
@dafloydsta: WIFE: You said you were going to put the dog down ME: *in tears* I TRIED BUT HE HAD SOME REALLY DEVASTATING COMEBACKS