@JamesCoolie: The problem with Quotes on #Twitter is that... it is so difficult to tell if they are Genuine - William Shakespeare
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@theekillerqueen: I'm gonna start using my cat's ages like y'all do your kids. 5 just projectile vomited and 1 is trying to eat it off the floor.
@JustDontBugMe: [Getting married] Hey, thanks for doing this with me... I wasn't sure how to operate the microwave.
@JohnLyonTweets: Went on blind date, woke up in bathtub with kidney gone. 6 out of 10, would date again.
@aveuaskew: I'm supposed to be afraid of you because you are a twitter badass? What are you going to do, caps lock me?