@TheCatWhisprer: The problem with teaching a man to fish is that eventually somebody will microwave that fish in the work break room.
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@thisislizz: Dear Tech Support, I twied to puth my tongue in tha USthB port again. Canth you helpf?
@simoncholland: The best thing to do with Christmas lights that don't work is put them back in the attic so they can frustrate you again next year.
@Gooooats: *calls wife into the bedroom* *dims the lights* *turns on Marvin Gaye* *sexily sweeps toddler's collection of trucks off the bed*
@squirrel74wkgn: Just once...one time; can't we buy a tree that doesn't try to attack me when I come home drunk at 2am.