@TheCatWhisprer: The problem with teaching a man to fish is that eventually somebody will microwave that fish in the work break room.
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@iwearaonesie: *gets out of bed* *steps on something* me: Ugh *turns light on* wife: What is it? me: The cat caught another smart car
@Jayson_Two_time: An app.. An app that reminds you, no matter how ugly you are.. someone far far away wants to bang you. -Twitters new slogan
@lakeanagirl: I like to take an empty Krispy Kreme donut box to work and sit in the break room and watch all of the disappointed faces
@TexasHickspanic: I can only please one person a day, and i already pleased myself this morning.. so y'all are screwed!