@TheCatWhisprer: The problem with teaching a man to fish is that eventually somebody will microwave that fish in the work break room.
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@bombscribe: If a coworker has two apples in his right hand and two oranges in his left hand, what does he have? No chance of blocking an uppercut.
@itweetmaya: If Obama wins I'm leaving the country. If Romney wins I'm leaving the country. This is not a political Tweet I just want to travel.
@XplodingUnicorn: My 3-year-old told me she covered the house in "fairy dust" She better mean cocaine because if it's glitter somebody's going to be homeless
@bornmiserable: "This race is over," said Donald Trump, referring to the entire human race if he is elected president.