@shanethevein: The problem with the world today is that intelligent people are too smart to have children.
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@HeatherLuvsYou: A foreign kid asked me how to speak English the other day, so I teached him some.
@audipenny: Bad credit? No credit? First time buyer? First time baby? No legs? 8 legs? You a spider? Are you a Spider trying to buy a house?
@vineyille: "First off I want to wish my opponent the best of luck and oh god. OH GOD NO" - presidential candidate accidentally using their 3rd wish