@bad_as_you_want: The problem with today's children is that today's grown-ups are idiots.
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@TheTweetOfGod: The entire history of the universe could be seen as a slow growth, expansion and coalescence of consciousness, were it not for Sarah Palin.
@MichaelTrying: The best part of being incompetent to cook and feed myself is that when I travel I am positive I didn’t leave the oven on.
@Just_Lee_: A lot of people are only alive because I shed too much hair to ever get away with murder.