@Home_Halfway: The proper way to make a Caesar salad is to repeatedly stab it with dozens of other people in a Senate building.
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@longwall26: May you never be as bored as whoever figured out that holding a seashell to your ear sounds like the ocean
@thetits: WIFE: Honey? why is there a deer in the living room wearing your clothes? HONEY? [Cut to me running naked through the moonlit forest]
@iamburtjarvis: HOW TO SURVIVE A BEAR ATTACK: STEP 1: buy a recliner STEP 2: buy some beer STEP 3: stay home and watch tv instead of going into the woods
@DanMentos: My Shakespeare brings all the boys to the yard And they're like We're gonna kick your ass fancy boy