@Home_Halfway: The proper way to make a Caesar salad is to repeatedly stab it with dozens of other people in a Senate building.
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@Kendragarden: I said "Margarita" 3 times in the mirror instead of "Bloody Mary" and now a ghost mariachi band is forcing me to play maracas for them.
@dafloydsta: FRIEND: Women like a little danger. ME: Okay. [later on date] HER: So where are we- ME: *opening door of moving car* Get out. NOW.
@Quartzjixler: I had professional respect for you but then you said "recognizance" when you meant 'reconnaissance.'