@Travon: The Queen is so afraid of how the vote will turn out, she put Sam Smith in a boat circling Scotland singing "Stay With Me" into a megaphone.
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@usermcuserface: Cop: Turn around Me: Every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you're never coming round. Cop: Turn around! Me: Every.. *gets tased*
@nPhelendriqal: A buddy gave me some of his pee in a jar so I could pass a drug screen. I failed, which is weird, cause I drank ALL of it.
@NYC_Blonde: If someone specifies that you're book-smart and not street-smart or street-smart but not book-smart, they're calling you stupid.
@GingerHotDish: *waves arm in the direction of the lake* One day, all this will be yours. 12: Are you threatening to drown me? Me: Just make your bed, k?