@TheTweetOfGod: The question is not "Why is Instagram not working?", but "Why does the world need another picture of you?" #instagramnotworking
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@MelodiMoon: The Frito Lay truck I'm tailing says 'Driver doesn't carry cash.' Hahahaha. I'm not interested in cash.
@0hJuliette: Why are so many men suddenly curious who my father is right in the middle of our lovemaking?
@snmrrw: maybe ancient civilizations wouldn't have died out if they'd built regular buildings instead of these dumb ruins
@shawn_spree: A Febreze commercial but with pot head teenagers trying not to get busted by their parents that had just walked in the house.