@SarahFemme: The quickest way to find out the time is to order a beer at breakfast with your mother.
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@OhNoSheTwitnt: Teen: Your outfit is on fleek! Me: (confused) Yeah well your MOM is on fleek. Teen: (smiles) Thank you! Me: God damn it.
@Amusitr0n: My uncle Terry told me not to worry, that love would find a way, but on the other hand he once took a shit in a hammock
@FilthyRichmond: Hey kids! Make your voice heard this election day by hiding your parents identification! (Not applicable in some states)