@SarahFemme: The quickest way to find out the time is to order a beer at breakfast with your mother.
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@johnbiehl: Alien: why should I not blow up this planet? Human: we are an advanced species A: how do you travel? H: we light old dinosaurs on fire
@daemonic3: Mom: Did we pack everything? The stupid baby monitor? Dad: Ugh I hate that annoying dumb thing! Tiny Monitor Lizard: Ok wow I'm right here
@3sunzzz: My horoscope said I will soon find the man of my dreams. I thought, "I've been married 25yrs," then I thought, "But I'll keep an open mind."
@ofcourseyoudid: Bird of peace? The dove Bird of war? The hawk Bird of true love? ..wait for it... .... The swallow *walks offstage