@kelkulus: The quickest way to get a creationist to shut up is threatening to throw them off the edge of the earth.
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@otaaee: i asked my 8 yr old sister what she wanted to b when she grew up & she said “i actually dnt wanna b anything”. & when i asked her why not she said “its too much work”. i never felt anything on a spiritual level more than that right there
@JB4Realz: [PHONE] "TSA, How can I help you?" Me: "Why did you guys put my frog on the No-Fly List?!" Agent: "Umm..." Me: "DAMMIT, HE'S STARVING!"
@iamfase: The greatest trick Facebook ever pulled was to convince the world we actually want to keep in touch with people we went to school with.
@SatansTongue: (bed bath and beyond) *walks to beds* Wow nice beds *walks to baths* Wow nice baths *walks through intergalactic wormhole* Wow nice beyond