@SwirlySkittles: The rain is pounding so hard I'm kind of jealous.
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@JasonLastname: As the officer approached my car I took a big pull of helium from the balloon and started crying
@TheRolo: I ran out of coffee this morning, beer seemed like an acceptable replacement. Everyone is so pretty today.
@Contwixt: The day we decided such footwear would be called "flip-flops" was not our most creative moment.
@mstluvstrinkets: Is it against the law for postal workers to smile or was it my audacity to mail something?