@SwirlySkittles: The rain is pounding so hard I'm kind of jealous.
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@AimeeHelene1: *seductively slides hand along store shelf to distract you* *grabs last bag of Cheetos* *tucks, rolls, and runs away*
@WilliamAder: What's the point of making people like Paul McCartney and Elton John knights if they're not going to joust?
@david8hughes: [parole hearing] "What will u do if released?" "Kill everyone on the jury." "What?" "Buy everyone jewellery." "Aw. Granted."