@clindsaysway: The rare times my cat approaches me for affection, I run away and hide under the bed so she knows what that feels like.
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@murrman5: "did you ever get married?" [wife looks around her old gym at high school reunion and sees me debating if I can touch the rim] no
@joeljeffrey: [buying treadmill] Me: Can I try it out first? Salesperson: Sure Me: (pulls out laundry basket and hangs wet clothes on it) I like it.
@Cheeseboy22: Horse buying tip: ALWAYS ask how much horsepower a horse has. If a horse has less than one horsepower, you've got yourself a crap horse.
@mysteryteacher: Amanda Bynes and Lindsay Lohan have a fight to the death. Who will win? Everybody.