@clindsaysway: The rare times my cat approaches me for affection, I run away and hide under the bed so she knows what that feels like.
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@thetits: [in the park] ME: aww look a baby WIFE: is it on me?! ME: um no it's in a stroll- WIFE: *swatting herself* I FEEL LIKE IT'S ON ME
@DirtMcTurd: Ex (trying to make me jealous): I'm going to a party, everyone's drinking, laughing, and having fun! Me: that'll all stop once you show up
@bridger_w: In movies, do actors wear costume underwear? Or underwear from home? The whole thing is confusing. I don't think I can keep watching movies
@stanleybehrman: Texting is a brilliant way to miscommunicate how you feel, and misinterpret what other people mean.