@Cheeseboy22: The real danger of running with scissors is that a rock might fall on you.
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@nickcreelman: Coworker: it's dark already Me: I know, Dan. I have eyes CoW: it's only 5 'o clock Me: I KNOW DAN CoW: it's early Me: THAT'S HOW EARTH WORKS
@huntigula: [mob about to stone a sinner] JESUS: Stop! Let he who is without sin throw the first stone. [mob drops rocks] JESUS: [picks up rock]
@QwertyJones3: "Welcome to another meeting of Horse Club. Let's try to actually get something done today. All in favor?" Crowd: "NEIGH!" "Jesus Christ."
@puffin7911: When I say to my kids "sit here and watch cartoons" they hear "come and bug me while I am trying to take naughty pictures for daddy."