@TheTweetOfGod: The real reason David beat Goliath is that when David threw a rock, Goliath threw scissors.
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@iwearaonesie: me *sneezes* cw: Bless you me *sneezes* cw: Allergies? [flashback to me snorting pepper because my kid dared me to] me: Yeah, I guess so
@simoncholland: Waiting for everyone in this church service to bow their head in prayer so I can update my fantasy football roster.
@GrantTanaka: *leads wife into bedroom where rose petals on comforter spell out “NO, YOU TAKE OUT THE GARBAGE”
@rachelle_mandik: do you think the guy who designed hand grenades really hated pineapples, or really loved them?