@liliths_lair: The real reason women will never be the ones to propose: As soon as she gets on her knees, he will start unzipping his pants.
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@NoTheOtherJohn: Furniture salesperson: Do you see anything you like? Waldo: Actually yes this red and white couch is quite nice.
@jonnysun: job interview tip: show up wearig the exact same thing as ur interveiwer, whispre "dress for the job u want, right?" then just stare at them
@gruffybeard: Her: Why's the couch smell like pee? [Flashback to me watching The Ring alone] Me: *points at son* I think someone had another "accident."
@julie2288: The hardest part of raising kids is learning to let them go... Especially when they're 19 and STILL can't remember to flush a toilet.