@AndrewNadeau0: The reason fish come wrapped in newspaper is because the easiest way to catch them is to sneak up on them when they’re reading.
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@HousewifeOfHell: When the world is about to end, I hope we know about it in advance so I can stop doing laundry.
@Marlebean: That's great about your engagement, promotion and new car. I grabbed the EXACT amount of hangers I needed to put away laundry. Samsies!
@truegritrumble: GUY WHO INVENTED JACK-O-LANTERNS: I bet this gourd would be cooler if it looked like it wanted to murder me.