@KelleysBreakRm: The reason I don't like Facebook's "memories" feature is because it shows me 6 years ago wearing the same shirt I have on right now.
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@jtrulez: Having my oil changed today, but I need proof it's really changed. I've been hurt by oils before & I'm not going through that again.
@browneyegirl9: If you don't like the idea of wiping someone's ass in the middle of eating a delicious meal, you probably shouldn't become a parent.
@ShawnIzadi: Just overheard a guy say he was buying a MacBook so he doesn't have to worry about the Ebola virus. What.
@JohnLyonTweets: Those guys who came by the office to ask for protection money kept breaking things. Like I'm going to pay people that clumsy to protect me!