@KelleysBreakRm: The reason I don't like Facebook's "memories" feature is because it shows me 6 years ago wearing the same shirt I have on right now.
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@GoldenSpirals: Why do they call it a "shit-eating grin"? I don't think I'd be smiling if I was eating shit.
@horselythighs: Elijah Wood and Toby Mcguire: whoever dies first gets played by the other in the biopic
@NaaN_Conformist: Back in my day, we didn't have iPads. If we wanted to act elitist, we stuck the collars of our Polos straight up.
@cervixsmash: The person who invented marriage was creepy as hell like hey yo I love you so much I'm gonna get the government involved so you can't leave