@Mikecanrant: The reason I like Twitter is because the ladies on here LIKE being followed. Unlike like little miss restraining order down the street.
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@fuzzlime: *finally gets comfortable with you* *starts whispering in your ear* "oooo baby I can recite all my phobias in alpha order"
@JoshuaHvr: This is your brain- *holds out egg* This is your brain on drugs- *puts egg on ground, spins it while shining lazers on it*
@LoneWolfStories: Damn you autocorrect for making me look like an idiom. Always trying to make a tool out of me.
@Izianikapani: Australia is touted as a great model of gun control but no one mentions our unlimited access to boomerangs.